i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
