dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
