How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
