white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
