dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
