why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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