butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
