You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
