I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
