just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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