I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
