Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
3 2 1 whiskey
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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