why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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