Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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