Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
