DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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