I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
