so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
