i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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