I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im holly from the hills drunk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
