I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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