So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
