I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
