WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
