Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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