One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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