Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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