it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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