Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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