Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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