Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
