It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
