woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you bring me the toilet please
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
