Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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