Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
