woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can you bring me the toilet please
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
