Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want nice things and good sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
