My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
