Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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