My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
