i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
