coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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