dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You can't special order awesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
