I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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