i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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