Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
