hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
