And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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