She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will be naked everywhere
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
