I think I won the penis lottery.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
