i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
