so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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