i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
