what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
