Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
