I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
