I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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