I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
