I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
