Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
