those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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