..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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