She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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