Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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