Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
