I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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