Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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