you guys were way drunker than both of me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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