If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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