I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
