The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
