duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
