you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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