I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
