you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
