you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
