watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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