Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
