That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
