i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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