Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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