sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize