I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
