my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
