Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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