Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
