so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
